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Stevenage and Cardiff and That
As someone once famously said: the more something changes, the more it stays the same. It was probably Huey Lewis. So, let’s get one thing straight, playing badly against lower […]
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Chelsea Preview
Oh aye, the footy. Fancy forgetting about that. Every season it’s the same though, you wait for it to start and before you can settle in and get any sort […]
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Everton 1 Chelsea 0
It’s weird to keep reading José Mourinho making out that Chelsea battered Everton on Saturday but simply failed to convert their chances. Both sides were fairly cagey, passing the ball […]
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West Ham Preview
It’s all about the journey these days, isn’t it? It used to be about having passion, but now everybody has that, for everything, and so whether you are a sportsman, […]
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West Ham 2 Everton 3
Before we begin, it’s important to remember that Saturday’s game wasn’t about the result, but more an opportunity for the footballers of the Premier League to keep chasing that rainbow. […]
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Manchester City Preview
What are you meant to make of this lot? Manchester City were once quintessentially British in their hangdog awfulness, the footballing equivalent of Hywel Bennet in Shelley, but now they […]
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Manchester City 3 Everton 1
According to the nice people at Newsnow, the reason that stories from this website haven’t been appearing on theirs is because they filter for cuss words and won’t publish articles […]
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Hull City Preview
Hello. Hello. Testing. Testicles. One-two. One-two. Is this thing still working? Hey, how you doing? Long time no smell. Great to have you back. Have you lost some weight? Been […]
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Aston Villa Preview
‘Yeah, so they have offered me a new contract, which is fantastic. I’m going to go in and sign it on Monday. You’re stripes.’ ‘Woah, steady on son. Are you […]
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Aston Villa 0 Everton 2
So, David Moyes and Alex Ferguson decide to have a game of darts this time. Not really, simmer down. Everton’s early-season hot streak continued thanks to a great performance from […]
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Tottenham Hotspur Preview
In a completely transparent bid to drum up interest and provoke controversy in a publication that nobody really reads we approached Russell Brand to guest edit This Is Not Football […]
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Everton 0 Tottenham Hotspur 0
As we vainly looked for a decent ending to the preview we fell back on the tried and trusted ‘should be a cracker’, a statement that managed to be simultaneously […]
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Crystal Palace 0 Everton 0
You have probably gathered already that the lack of a preview for this game was in fact an achingly post-post-modern comment on a match in which almost nothing of any […]
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Liverpool Preview
Ahoy hoy! It’s been a while. International breaks are normally an absolute nuisance but it’s allowed This Is Not Football some valuable time to find a way around the stringent […]
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Everton 3 Liverpool 3
‘These are nothing special. The only thing we have to fear here is just being typical Everton’. Five minutes later Philippe Coutinho is left completely unmarked at a corner and […]
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On Their Toes
In the aftermath of a game in which Kevin Mirallas’s foul was so heinous it threatened to wipe out several generations of Suarezs (Suarii?) it turns out that it’s […]
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Stoke City Preview
Ok, first thing’s first, as we said the other day, a big chunk of this was going to be about Leighton Baines and the various permutations available to cover for […]
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Everton 4 Stoke City 0
First of all, an apology. Last week, while musing on how Roberto Martinez would cope with the absence of Leighton Baines, we deduced that Bryan Oviedo’s absence from the derby […]
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Manchester United Preview
Manchester, so much to answer for. In an extremely unusual move this beginning bit has actually been rewritten. It originally started off looking over David Moyes’s time at Everton and how […]
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Five tips for Everton at Old Trafford
1. A training montage for Romelu Lukaku. We see him skipping amongst the dust motes in a moody shaft of light and then chopping logs of wood and punching cows. […]
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